Ashley, the dictator-I mean coordinator-of our blog told me to write about "Mustaches". So here it goes... What exactly is a Mustache? And what happened to spelling it Moustache, with an O?
Mustache can be spelled as such or as Moustache.
"A moustache (US/ˈmʌstæʃ/ or UK /məˈstɑːʃ/; American English: mustache)[1] is facial hair grown on the outer surface of the upper lip." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moustache)
I guess it's cool for a boy or man to be able to grow hair on their upper lip. I know I've heard various males get teased if they're not able to grow a mustache or beard in a fairly quick amount of time. I guess it's something that comes along with true manhood or some other sort of obnoxious concept that men actually believe and teach other little men.
I learned a lot on Wikipedia about Mustaches. It originates from, like, 10 different languages. Seriously. It's a run-on sentence of explanation. I'm saying this stuff from memory, but it was something like: "Mustache originated from the French word mostafa which originated from the Italian word mostafo which originated from the Greek word moustafio which originated from the Latin word mopistachio which originated from the Pagan Summer Solstice interpretive dance of mousse lipe which originated from the Stone Age cave drawings of mustachelip." Don't quote me on those words in italics or the languages. I just wanted to give you an idea of how far back the term Mustache really goes. If you want to read it for yourself, click on the Wikipedia link above.
Mustaches can be pretty amazing fashion statements or just the boring "hair on the guy's upper lip next door". Let's look at some pictures of Mustaches and the pros and cons of each style.
the "Pencil"Pros: this mustache is sleek and tells all the available bachelorettes, "pencil me in on your date calendar, honey". least grooming time required.
Cons: teasing due to minimal hair growth may occur. may mistakenly be assumed to be an "I passed out at that party last night and those losers drew on my face with a Sharpie" piece of art. looks like a third lip if you already have thin lips.
the "Dali"Pros: this moustache will always draw attention to your eyes, and will help your face look more appealing because it will always seem like your upper lip (at the very least) is smiling in a hairy-sort-of-way. minimal grooming required. gel or glue may be necessary to keep it perky.
Cons: the middle of this mustache looks like you had a run-in with a candle while you were hairspraying it into its upright position, or you were listening to "Ice Ice Baby" too many times and thought it'd be cool to pull a Vanilla Ice eyebrow trick on your upper lip.
the "Hitler"Pros: if you have a secret wish to get your ass beat by Americans and pretty much anyone else, grow this 'stache.
Cons: how much time do I have?
the "Mexican"Pros: If you have thick, wavy locks and a grandpa named Miguel, this is the mustache for you. It'll make the mamis squeal "Ay, papi!" when you come strutting around in your poncho.
Cons: the use of this mustache may cause someone to call the Border Patrol. If you're lucky, someone might ask you "¿Dónde está el baño?" or "Can you make-o me some-o tacos, per faver?" Don't be sportin' it if you're a gringo.
the "English"Pros: grand fashion statement, as in, "Look at the f**kin' mustache on my face!"
Icebreaker when at parties, as in guests exclaiming, "That's a huge f**kin' mustache on your face!"
You can hide little pieces of food in it for discreetly eating later.
Cons: takes at least 30 minutes to groom each day, having to condition, brush, and remove those pieces of food you forgot to eat while in your drunken stupor at the bar & grill the night before
the "Chickstache"
Pros: a much less expensive way to bury your feminity and shout out your preferred masculinity and avoid the cutting associated with major sex reassignment surgery
Cons: not advised if you want to save money on waxing, or if you'd like to find a suitable husband while you're young
